Flying
by Crysania
Summary: Written for Fridays with Flydam (Reylo Writing Den); Given prompt: Wings; Prompt offered by Azuwrite: Merry-Go-Round


"Aren't you a little old for this?"

Rey turns to look at Rose, whose arms are crossed over her chest. They're standing close to the amusement park's Merry-Go-Round. And yes, Rey is pretty sure she's too old for it. She looks around at the other people in line. Kids, the whole lot of them. Parents holding tight to small, grubby fingers as they stare up at the horses and other magical creatures racing around and around.

"No," she finally says with a bit of a pout. Her years in foster care meant amusement parks were something she _never_ got to go to. And she loves it. Absolutely loves it. They've ridden all the adult rides over and over again, racing from the end of the ride right back to hop on again. Roller coasters, pirate ships, even that crazy one that used G-Force to hold them in place as it spun around and around and almost made Rey sick. They've done it all. And then done it all again.

But the merry-go-round? She remembers seeing them in movies, on TV, watching all the kids her age on those shows having the time of their lives as they road their horses in a race no one could really win.

She doesn't know why she loves the whole idea.

But she _does_. It's like flying without really flying, racing without really racing. It's a fantasy and she wants to live it. For at least _one_ moment.

"Oh God," she hears Rose murmur next to her. "Come on, Rey. You don't need it this bad."

Rey turns to her friend, a furrow between her brows. "You're acting weird."

"Finn will be waiting."

"Finn is recovering from our last ride on the Graviton. He's probably not even aware we're gone."

Rose at least giggles at that. "He's such a wimp." Finn has been Rey's best friend for as long as she can remember, both growing up in the foster system. They had met Rose in high school and it was almost instant love between the two of them. Sometimes Rey is still a little jealous that they found each other so easily.

"A total wimp," Rey agrees. But still Rose tries to pull her away. "What is your…" And that's when she sees him, standing with his hand on the mechanism to start and stop the merry-go-round. He's currently staring at the kids on the ride, eyes narrowed.

Ben Solo.

He'd been the Kylo Ren to her Kira Shan back in high school, two nerds who had found some sort of connection through their favorite comic books and role-playing games. But then he'd turned. The last she'd heard, he'd done some sort of stint in federal prison for money laundering and tax evasion. She'd been told he'd taken the fall for The First Order, Snoke's company that was investigated. Snoke had disappeared before they could catch him, and so his right-hand men, Ben Solo and Armitage Hux had been the ones to take that fall.

She had been desperately in love with him before it all went down.

And she hasn't seen him since.

Not at their 5-year high school anniversary. Not even at the 10-year one, though she's pretty sure he was in prison then.

He had been a skinny, gawky kid with overly large ears that the bowl cut his mother had always insisted on giving him wouldn't cover and too long limbs he wasn't sure what to do with. They'd tried recruiting him for basketball, but he was not athletically inclined in any way shape or form. He was much better suited to their Dungeons and Dragons games, playing his dark wizard to her cleric.

But now? Even from a bit of a distance she can see that he fills out the short-sleeved t-shirt he's wearing, can see the muscles in his arms, his chest. He's…breathtaking, she realizes. It's not like she's really ever been attracted to _muscles_ but just seeing him stand there, this guy who she _knows_ is a complete nerd (he'd read the DragonLance series of books no less than _ten times_ the last time she'd seen him) all buffed out…well…it _does_ things to her.

He sees her just moments after she sees him, doing a bit of a double take and then reaching out to grasp the handle and pulling the lever for the merry-go-round. He jerks it into the stop position so quickly she fears the kids are all going to tumble off and starts to move forward to help them if need be. But no, the machine is meant to stop slowly and so it does, the kids letting out a disappointed shout as it grinds to a halt.

They push past her as they walk off, but she can't take her eyes off _him_.

"Rey," he says and she sees him mouth the word more than hears it.

She takes a couple halting steps toward him. The people around her shift, try to block her from cutting in line. Rose pulls on her arm, but she shrugs her off to move until she's standing in front of him. "Ben." His names comes out half like a prayer and half cold, the sting of all those years of anger rising up within her.

_Forgiveness, Rey. _She's been taught that. Forgive the past to move on.

But he's not the past, not right now. He's the present. And he's staring at her like a dying man presented with his absolution.

"Would you…" He clears his throat. Rey leans forward a bit. "Do you want to ride it?"

Rey can feel the blush go right up her cheeks. Yes, _yes_ she's imagined riding _it_ before. But as she looks up at him, sees the red on his cheeks and the way he can't quite meet her eyes, she realizes that's not quite what he means.

"Yes," she says. "The ride…I mean…the merry-go-round."

He nods and holds out a hand to her. She stares at it for a moment. It feels…strangely meaningful. But then she puts her hand in his and it's just as warm and big as she remembers. Stronger, though, she realizes, as helps her up on to the merry-go-round.

She lets go of his hand as soon as she gains her feet. He continues to watch her for a moment. "There's a Pegasus," he says, and it's not what she expected him to say at all. "On the other side." He offers her a crooked grin and oh _yes_, he is definitely doing things to her. She can feel herself clench at that half smile, once so familiar and beloved. Now it hits her like a punch in the gut. "I know you like them."

And she does. She moves off then, making her way quickly to the Pegasus in question. Flying. Rey _dreams_ of flying. Not in a plane. Or even a spaceship. No, Rey has dreams where _she_ can fly, where she floats, spreading her wings and taking to the air. She flies almost every night in her dreams, over mountains and forests, lakes, cities. Takes it all in. Her therapist said it's her need to escape from her life, but Rey knows that's not it. It's about _freedom_.

She gets up on the Pegasus and leans over its neck, closing her eyes. This is her favorite part of the amusement park, though she won't tell any of her friends that. Imagining she and her trusty steed taking to the air. The merry-go-ground starts moving, slowly, and Rey shuts her eyes.

The wind hits her in the face as it speeds up.

And then she really is flying, her hair trailing out behind her. She doesn't open her eyes. That ruins the magic. She can't see the earth so far below her if she opens her eyes and sees the others on the merry-go-round with her, sees the people looking on as she rides her steed around and around.

She hears a commotion, but doesn't open her eyes, sitting up, letting her face turn into the wind. Whatever it is, isn't important.

"Rey."

_He_ is there, just behind her. She can hear his voice in her ear and feel his breath ghost along her neck.

"Ben," she breathes.

"Don't open your eyes. We'll fly together."

"Why are you here?" she asks.

There's a low rumble that might be a laugh; she's not sure. It's been a long time since she's heard him laugh. "This is my penance."

"Penance?"

"Community service," he admits.

"But why a merry-go-round?"

He doesn't answer. She can feel him move closer to her, his hands coming out to touch the backs of hers, hold them to the wings of the Pegasus she's riding.

"You know," he says.

"Because of me."

"I wanted to see you." His voice cracks on the last syllable and she feels his lips graze the back of her neck. "I _needed_ to see you."

"You left me." The words are whispered, but she can't help the accusation in her voice.

"I had to."

She wants to turn and look at him then, but she doesn't. She keeps her eyes shut. "You act like you had no choice."

"I had none." There's a strange truth behind the words. "If I didn't, Snoke would have dragged you down like he did me."

"What happened there?"

He lets out a small huff of dark laughter. "So much. More than I can explain here."

"Later, then?" she ventures.

"Yes," he whispers. "But for now, _fly_." She can feel his hand come and brush her hair away from her neck. And then his lips are there, pressing lightly into the sensitive skin. She turns her head into the feel of it. "You're glorious, Rey. You know that, don't you? Flying free above the clouds." She shivers as she turns toward him.

And then she _does_ open her eyes.

It doesn't ground her like she thought it would. All she can see are his dark eyes in the glowing lights of the merry-go-round. He leans down then and hesitates, his lips hovering just above hers. She nods. God, she has _wanted_ this. Pretty much forever, since they were kids just understanding what their sexuality was, since sitting across from him at the D&D table, rolling dice and clashing with each other, since he dressed as Kylo Ren for Halloween and she went as Kira.

His lips are soft against hers, almost chaste, the promise of more to come. Her eyes drift closed and then open as he pulls back. "The park closes at 11," he says.

"I'll be there," she responds with.

And then he pushes back and leaps off the edge of the merry-go-round. It slows to a halt soon after, and she's back on the ground, the kids around her voicing their protest at their ride ending. She pats the Pegasus on the neck as she dismounts, moving on wobbly legs to the exit.

She glances at Ben one more time just before Rose finds her, tugging at her arm and pulling her away from her dreamland. "What just happened?" Rose whispers as they move off.

"Forgiveness," Rey responds with. She'll find out his story soon enough, but she's already chosen to forgive him, and she feels lighter because of it. Maybe with Ben at her side, she really _will_ be able to fly.


End file.
